JK

I have more for you, sirs and madams.

Best Idea I've Had Today

White Russians... with chocolate milk... While watching The Big Lebowski.

. . . . .

Best idea of yesterday:

Watch V for Vendetta.

On the 5th of November... you see? Remember, remember?

. . . . .

That's all I have for you.

Photographs are much safer than words, at least the generic sort I tend to make. I've taken pictures here and there since May but for the most part they just sit on the card, neglected except for an occasional uploading to Facebook or the like. I'm trying to get back into them.

As for the writing, I quit trying to write to anyone but myself because it seems I can use lots of description and fluff to say "all is well" with a smile and a nod but why bother giving you that if it isn't? And if it isn't...

Then I will spend 30 minutes deleting and rewriting and deleting and rewriting a single sentence, trying to explain this undulating existence of despair and hope, until I finally give up and close it out. If you've been through it, I don't need to tell you how it is. If you haven't, it must seem pretty silly.

I can ramble about, well, the less pretty side of things, but if I'm to believably put on a smile and chitchat the weather I can't have everyone knowing there are moments I consider running my bike into a tree, now can I? The hours I can spend just sitting and staring at a blank television screen trying to piece things together, heavy contemplations that amount to the same static stance of hanging in there. Psychedelic dreams, inducing elevation or at least stumbling my head around so much that all the senses just become a tingling... I see a lot of odd beautiful scenes when I'm needing them most but expecting them least.

and then I look up like, why am I saying this...

So I keep this stuff 98% in my head, where it slowly is processed, though it still spends a lot of time getting locked up and frozen. Not enough space to run the program. Frequenting rebooting required.

Not to say that at the moment I'm not really carrying on alright. Happiness is still there. But that's subject to change throughout the day; so give in, when it does, and let the darker part take its course, then move on.

As for this hour, it's hard to concentrate on anything, or find something deeply distracting enough to change the brain channels for another block. I wind up being useless. I hate how much trouble I have remembering things. I have no place rejecting a day I've been given, but all the same there are ones like today that hold parts I'd rather pass on.

I realized while driving home that today, being November 1st, is the start of NaBloPoMo or some such. Substantial entries may follow over the next 29 days, or they may not, dependent upon how much I feel my words have regressed into whiny drivel and how many nights I spend glancing sideways at my shoes.

Until then, brave and loyal soldiers!

favorite

Fun Events This Week

Brought to you via the Student News Bulletin.

Newman Center Shantytown
Learn about homelessness and put yourself in the shoes of a homeless person by spending your night outside. Meet at the Newman Center between TJ and EE at 6 PM October 16 for this experience. Cost is $2 and dinner is provided.

National Coming Out Week
Stop by the DaVinci Society’s table in the student center October 12 and October 16 from 11AM to 1PM to have your questions answered, get a cup of hot chocolate, or play a game of bean bag toss.

Humans VS Zombies
Are you passionate about the undead? Do you have an intense desire to blow out some zombie brains? Can you shoot a Nerf gun or throw a sock?If you answered “YES!”, then join the Zombie Defense Corp by October 19 and get your chance. Humans VS Zombies, sponsored by RHA, is a campus wide game of tag, an epic battle of life and death.

Rock, Paper, Scissor Tournament
Sigma Chi is holding it's first annual Rock, Paper, Scissor tournament. It is extremely competitive so bring your A game.

I interrupt my lack of posts and continue my lack of writing to bring you this:

The Tone Matrix

Click any box on the grid to make a tone. Click other boxes to make the tones bounce off each other.

It's beautiful, it's musical, and oh-so-addicting.

[via Sam... from facebook.]